17b- Solving for the Unknown

I have so much on my mind. I need to write. I need to write. I need to write. I need to write. Or else I am afraid I will implode.

It has been an emotionally complex week and I've waited all week to say that to someone but no one seems inclined to ask.  So grateful for my blog. My listening ear. I am unsure of what the evolution of this blog will be.  I am interested to see what happens as my thoughts crystallize into words. And those words carve a path of their own.

Where do I start...

I like math.

or

I've seen so much death recently.

or

The curiosities called men.

or

Work fell apart.

or

Work came together.

or

String theory.

or, or, or....

For some reason string theory seems to be the most perplexing to me right now.  I have read enough Hawking to have in infants understanding of the theories of the things that bind the universe together. Today, right now, my brain seems to be stuck on the idea of stringy space. I contemplated, for much longer than was a good use of my time, what holds us together and what keeps us apart.

I know that things bind and attract and repel and detract. I understand atoms and polarization and positives and negatives. I don't understand space. Visually when you look at something, when you draw something, there is generally no blank space.  There is white space but the contrast utilizes the space in a way of it's own to create an illusion of something-ness. I don't understand why in real time we are separated by a seeming vortex of nothingness.  I KNOW it's not nothing. It's atoms and mites and stuff. But it feels like nothing.

My parallel is drawn in the lives we lead.  There is so much space between humans. Physical space, emotional space, mental space, lots and lots of space. I don't understand why. Again, cognitively I KNOW why.  We have been hurt. We self-protect. We introvert. And then we feel nothing but space. And we hate it. It's so counter intuitive. Do we as humans hold on to our strings of space to keep ourselves tied together?  I don't know. Here is what I know, today, in this moment.

God is love.

People die.

Kids have the best laughs.

Going to the Arabic Assembly is the right thing to do.

I'm not ready for my partner to die.

She will anyway.

There is nothing else to be said.

-Dewb