The nights when everyone falls asleep in my bed

My kids are in their 17th year of life. Some nights, like tonight, they still need to be soothed to sleep by their Mother.

We had strict rules, their Dad and I, about not having babies sleep with us in bed.  It was simple- we bought them their own beds. That's where they sleep.  Period. Even though I breast fed we still navigated this rule- when they awoke in the middle of the night he would fetch them, I would feed them, he would put them away. I know that most men find it funny to fake sleep when the baby cries but ours was never a relationship like that.

As the kids grew older they always had their own space and I had mine. Own beds, own rooms, own places of being. Occasionally though there are nights when we end up in my space. Talking, laughing, inflating the retelling of our own stories and my bed is often the chosen venue.

I never really invite them.  They just show up. One then the other.  First they perch on my bed, ready to take flight because they "aren't ready to fall asleep"; then every so slowly they recline by degrees until they are prone. Talking non-stop the whole time. Their hands will sneak into mine,  Or they will nudge my hand, like the dog does, for a back rub. Then eventually they stop speaking and fall asleep. Fetal position and fetal position.  I smile. Amazed at the life we have been blessed to live and the bonds we seem to continue to share.

I keep waiting for the day when they are no longer drawn to the comfort that I bring them.  The need for reassurance that I am there.  It hasn't happened yet. That surprises me.  I know that at almost 17 I avoided my Mom like the plague. My kids are so different than I was at that age.

I usually let them sleep just long enough to know that when I send them to bed they will go straight back to sleep. When you've had your kids their whole life you know what point that is.  The hands relax, the snoring starts, the eyes slide open a smidgen,  the face reverts back to baby hood.  I wonder why people always look younger asleep.  Then I send them to bed, assured that they will sleep well for the night.

I am curious if they will ever outgrow this phase. Or if at 20, 50, 80 they will still climb in my bed- drawn by an invisible connection and feeling safe, fall asleep.

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