Reciprocal Music

My daughter told me recently that outside of the natural world, nothing is actually correctly tuned. Orchestras, bands, & singers are all just the same amount of out of tune. I sat listening to a brass ensemble tonight and realized that the same could be said of life. None of us are correctly tuned, we just find humans that are as out of tune as we are and decide to play with them.

All is perfect until someone breaks enough hairs in their inner ear and suddenly what sounded melodious before now grates the ears and nerves. People are like that. We grow out of, into, around, and beyond friendships.

My new favorite word is reciprocity. The dictionary definition of reciprocity is: the practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit. The practice of - so something that is an expected norm, something that happens with regularity. Exchanging things with others- there is a tangible give and give; not a give and take wherein one does the giving and someone else does the taking. Both are giving. For mutual benefit- the regular interchange is valuable to both parties. Wow. What a great word.

I am applying it to my life. How many relationships can you, can anyone, say that they have that are reciprocal? Generally relationships are unbalanced. One or both people feeling like they are doing the lion's share of the giving. I think that occurs when the exchange isn't mutually beneficial. Not all love languages are the same, some need translation.

I have been evaluating my relationships through the lens of reciprocity. Granted it may seem like I am making myself to be the standard for reciprocity, I am not, at the same time it is my blog- I get to tell the story the way that makes sense to me. Writer's prerogative that I see my story through my lens. My need for reciprocity is based on what is valuable to me. 

What I realized was that I need time away. I am exhausted from pouring so much into so many. I blame myself, I am writing my story. Probably there was a part of me that liked to be needed. To be the resource. To be the go to. The 30 year old part of me. I'm about to start my 4th decade of life and what I really want is to surround myself with people who hear my tune. Is this what 40 brings? A new understanding of what you will and won't allow in your life? Is this the "midlife crisis" that everyone talks about? The one where to validate yourself you buy a new car? 

Maybe all it really is is people that are tired of being taken from by those who don't give back. I don't know. I obviously don't know much- the older I get the less I am sure of. But I am sure of this- Until the next word, reciprocity is my favorite one. And while that is the case I need to make sure I surround myself with the group that plays to the same tune as mine.

The tune of reciprocity.

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