Belly to Belly

I won't do this through satellites, fiber optics and binary. 

You know where to find me.

A

Can We Just Talk?

6 Month Man

 I have dated 4 men in 24 months. 

This is an interesting fact in the world in which I reside. A world where we do not date for "recreation" only for preparation of marriage. Most women I know marry the first man that they date and consider themselves lucky to be chosen. I date all the hot men I know and consider myself lucky to walk away single. 

I date a lot. 

Run it back:

Calvin- Official boyfriend, 35ish (??), Mechanical Engineer, MS. Liked all the things I liked and had the unique ability to get me drunk over the phone. Lots of fun. Willing to go dancing. 

I broke up with him because- he lived with is mom, he wanted roots and I wanted wings, he was cheap, he didn't like to work. And he slept a lot. But mostly because he lived with his mom.

The residual impact- moved to PR. Mostly forgot about him. 

Christian- Technically an ex that stayed a friend and a possible, 40, Chemical Engineer, no spiritual title, makes gobs of money, highly intelligent, never needed anything from me, met my fam, 10 years of history.

I broke up with him because- he's kinda a dick, he was married to work, he was always complaining, he threw his phone and broke it in a fit- I didn't like his tantrum, he owes me money. But mostly because he's a dick.

Residual impact- None really. He's dating now, theoretically. I am happy for him. 

Spencer - We were technically dating, My age, Nurse, Bethel, intuitive, healer, makes connections, listener, makes great cookies, green eyes.

I called it because- Emotionally retarded, poor, poor decision making, didn't make me feel good, has issues with black women (resentment), doesn't read, questionable association, gossip, big mouth but poor communicator. But mostly because he is emotionally unstable and I don't want to live at Bethel. 

Residual impact- I see him all the time so sometimes I think I still like him. He got pissed off and ruined my chances for other theocratic activities. It annoys me to watch him with other girls. He annoys me in general because he was in denial the he liked me but that was a lie. I'm still angry at him over the whole stupid thing. 

Page- Officially "dating". My God I love Page. 30's, funny, emotionally intelligent, loves me for me, chef, smart, sexy af, into sci-fi, into all the things I am into, hot hot hot, thoughtful, articulate, healthy communicator, great with his parents, awesome sounding board, family guy, loves kids, has a lot of love to give.

I called it because- Page didn't go to meetings. But really because I liked him SO Much More than he liked me. It felt one-sided and I loved him too much for that. If he would have liked me just a little more there is nothing anyone could have said at all that would have dissuaded me from being down all day, everyday. 

Residual impact- I planted bombs and ruined it at every turn, He, in turn, cut me out. I still dream about him. I miss him a lot. I am hopeful that over isn't over. But I am working on accepting that it is.

Of all of them I probably would have married Spencer or Page. Spencer would have been the smart choice. But I would have loved Page every day with everything that I have. "No matter how hard I try I run away from love at the end of the night."

The Lesson? I don't know. I wish I did. All I have is the story. 

A