The 30th anniversary of my dedication found me in a corner in God's house, ala Hannah style, tearfully pleading for understanding and direction. I emerged 2 hours later lighter and peaceful and with a plan. I had shed my burden and was ready to move forward.
Less than 12 hours later I was presented with a gift. Like the best gifts it was unexpected but exactly what I needed in that moment, in this moment of my life. I didn't see it at the time. I didn't see it until today.
The problems that I took to the figurative temple remain. If anything they have expanded, a noxious gas. Going from a manageable solid of struggle to a pervasive vapor. Yet, and yet, I can't seem to bring myself to care. To be invested. To be annoyed or even irritated. Not mildly curious, not worthy of a moment of attention- I simply don't care about them anymore.
Because I spend too much time in my head thinking about you and smiling on the inside. Smiling on the outside. The happiness you have effected has eroded the hurt they inflicted to the point that what was once a chasm of pain is now overflowing with joy. And you're not even trying. That's how remarkable this is. With no effort you have wiped clean the hurt and left in it's place a bubble of happy. It makes no sense.
The only thing that makes sense is that you are a Gift from God. Given to sooth and make a way out. You have not changed my circumstances, not at all. But you have shifted my attention and brought me so much joy that they don't matter.
If that's not a miracle I don't know what is.
Philemon 4
Dewberry
