"I'm hard to love, I'm hard to love. I don't make it easy. I wouldn't do it if I stood where you stood."
Am I hard to love? Some days it seems like that but I am not. I am fortunate that in these moments I can reflect on Manyo or De or Hodge or Niume. I am not hard to love, I have plenty of evidence. I'm easy to love. I'm hard to hang on to. So is that me or is that you?
I read a statement the other day where a man was quoted as saying that he would never propose to a woman. He would wait for her to bring it up and go with the plan. I was told the other day that a friend's crush wouldn't pursue her because she had physically experienced other men and he would always worry that he couldn't measure up. I have been told that as much as my past makes me interesting it's "too much" to handle. Huh? All of it- huh?
I'm trying not to make generalizations like- men these days are wack. Maybe just those men are wack. I don't know, I was raised surrounded by men who were not afraid. My white dad married my black mom with 3 kids. I don't understand a man who doesn't have enough love in his heart to love the kids too. In my estimation that's not a man. My uncles married my aunts. Women strong and full of attitude. They, the uncles, are quiet and laid back. They don't talk purposelessly but when they speak, my aunts shut up. I don't understand a man that couldn't handle a strong independent woman. In my mind that man isn't a man. My cousins can pull women like the masses inhale oxygen but they all eventually end up with one that has the strength to hold them down. To me a man understands the value of one woman vs collecting them by the handful. That's easy. A player isn't a man.
I go into the world with these examples of what a man is and I am disappointed with the ones I observe. I am not hard to love. I'm hard to hold on to. 'Cause I'm going to run and if you can't run faster I will leave you in the dust. And then be relieved that I dodged the bullet of an unworthy challenger. Or if I'm feeling kind I will point you in the direction of a nice watered down version of me. One that you won't feel intimidated by. One that is easy and won't run. I will smile and be glad I made it out of the foxhole to run another day.
So then what? Well then I change Pandora from the love songs of Chrisette Michele, India Arie and Alicia Keys to Common, Mof Def, Talib Kweli and Pharcyde. Stop my sway, get my boogie on and keep it pushin.
Here's to the chase. To the victor goes the spoils.
Dewb
