10b- Rich

Laughter. Gales and gales of

Laughter. 

"Dead squirrels? What? What are you talking about?"

More laughter. Louder this time. Chuckles turning into guffaws. 

Laughing voices layering upon each other like warm blankets. 

"I heard squirrels too!" "Why are there dead squirrels at the observatory?" "I don't get it!"

"Scrolls!! I said Dead Sea scrolls!!"

Deep belly laughs. "SCROLLS!!! That makes more sense." 

Minutes of pure hilarity. "I thought..." "Was she saying... " "I know I heard it too!" "That's SO funny." "Scrolls" "Squirrels..." "Who wants to see dead squirrels...? " "Yeah we got live ones in Colorado...!"  We laughed until we cried. 

That was my weekend. This is my life. I spent the weekend in sunny California for an Arabic Assembly. We had no expectations going into the weekend. Just a sense of doing the right thing and a preparedness to make a sacrifice. As is usually the case, when you are fully prepared to make sacrifice (in this case monetary) you get back so much more than you give. No one can out give God. 

But you can't doubt. For people that doubt, it's the doubting that sinks the ship- faith has to be the assured expectation of things hoped for. If you doubt you get nothing. And you have to put something on the table. A trust token if you will. You have to be all in for the right reasons to see it clearly.  

In any case this was, hands down, the newest best weekend of my life (given the complexity of making it happen I'm not surprised. You have to fight for your blessing.). And I've had some pretty good ones. It's hard to expound without it sounding like bragging. On a slightly topical plane literally every single thing we had hoped would happen happened. Down to seeing the Hollywood sign that I told my daughter I refused to find for her. The beach cities and Compton. Driving through Inglewood singing California Love. Another check mark on our collective bucket life lists. 

But those were the superficial things. Fun but not substantive. The real pleasure was that we met new family. Not the blood kind, the deeper kind. Heaven on earth was moved to ensure that we had a place to stay. Literally. I mean, I'm a grownup and I had a hotel booked but as soon as I turned my cell phone back on after landing I had a call telling me arrangements had been made for us. 

It was strange because given how independent I am it wasn't a need. I had a hotel, a car, lots of directions printed and the money to afford it all. I didn't understand the reason behind a further blessing of a home to stay in. But I went with it because I have leaned that when you come across a clear path laid by Powers Higher than you, you follow it and find the rainbow. 

And what blessings. The new sister we met completely spoiled us in a way that only Jehovah's people can. I was humbled. I was awed. I learned from her example how to be more loving, giving and hospitable. I was shown true love. I was inspired to give love more freely. 

I should no longer be surprised at how rich my spiritual heritage is. But I constantly am. My physical Aunt refused to let us stay at her hotel because she was mad at my Mom yet here is this virtual stranger who houses us, takes us out to eat (getting legitimately angry with me when I tried to pay), cooks our breakfasts, and makes our lunches- for free. All because we are united in faith. We hear it a lot, we say it a lot- but it bears repeating, "Only in Jehovah's organization. Only here." I pity the world bereft of its warmth. 

On the days when I'm feeling low or hemmed in or questioning I always circle around to this true idea- no matter what, no matter what, I'm always sure that this is the best way to raise my kids and build the strongest healthiest kind of family. It takes a village and I have such a solid one that even as cranky teenagers questioning their place in the world, they never question the plethora of people that love them. They never question their worth. Even if nothing else is true (but of course it is), we have the best life ever. It is a direct result of these morals that cause us to have clear consciences, these principals that help us to be the best humans that we can, this acknowledgment of our place in the universe that keeps us humble, and these friends who love us and make us laugh. There is also no getting around the fact that when you give a little, with the right attitude, you get a lot.

The blessing of Jehovah has indeed made us rich.

-Dewb 

9b- Puzzles

Puzzles. I like puzzles. This is both an asset and a curse. It's an asset in that I enjoy the challenge of figuring. I like figuring things. I like figuring people. I like figuring stuff. Challenges or the act of taking a problem apart and breaking it down to its vital elements in order to find the flaw and solution- or what makes it tick, makes me happy.

Here is the problem with puzzles. You solve them and then they loose their allure. Once I see the full picture I start looking to put together the next puzzle. This is an ongoing struggle in most areas if my life. In all but 2 or 3 areas of life puzzles reach a baseline. A point at which they become predictable and rote. If I can do something without having to think about doing it, I'm over it.

That's probably why teaching is such a good fit for me. I was told before I even entered college to be a teacher that, "Teaching is like a blind date every day." This is true. Not only do you have the variables of each child's daily different emotional level- and the the effect that that has on the other 25 kids in the class- and the varying cognitive abilities- and the different perspectives and background knowledge that each kid brings to the room but you also have the second by second corrections you have to make to ensure that you are delivering content well. To say nothing of your own personal emotional state. And if that's not enough, you have to make it look effortless and feel fun. If you can't do, teach- my eyeball. Teaching well is a dynamic art. I could never find it boring, too many variables. 

People on the other hand, not so much. I like figuring them out and then I like figuring the next one out. Obviously this has a curious impact on my relationships. In my friendships this isn't a problem, I'm generally attracted to people who enjoy knowledge for the sake of knowledge. They embark on quests for new information and then they assimilate it to what they know in complex and fascinating ways. They are fun to talk to. 

With others it's a bit more of a challenge because I hit a flatline. I don't  know the age or mindset when people stop challenging themselves to think but it seems to happen in adulthood. If they do think they their firm opinions and refuse to critically examine their thoughts. Debate is a cognitive exercise that should be a stimulating exchange of ideas. You should both be well educated enough to be firm in your convictions yet humble enough to know you don't know it all. "The quest for knowledge is ever illuminating the road of your own ignorance." Or something like that. The more you learn the more you realize how much you don't know.

Maybe that's why I find know it alls so annoying. To me it demonstrates a lack of real intelligence. No one knows it all. Maybe that's also why I'm so grounded in my spirituality. There is too much evidence of things that I don't understand (or everyone else's collective intelligence for that matter) to not attribute it to something much much smarter than I.  You have to bow down in respect to that much intelligence, the excess of pride that undermines seeing that amount of knowledge is kinda dumb. 

But enough already.

-Dewb

8b- MicroSeconds

I've been thinking a lot about how in the space of a second things change.  One moment status quo, the next, it's all different.  I know that this isn't a new concept- Gladwell expounded on it quite articulately. I've just had so many micro changes in such a short period of time that it's humbled me.

Life is purely mostly unexpected. In the space between one breath and the next- one blink and the next, the change happens. I am awed by the fact that humans don't kneel over with the anxiety of the unknown at every given second, regardless of if the change brings joy or pain.

I guess that's why we feed ourselves lies about the amount of control we actually have.  We tell ourselves that if we read enough, workout enough, sleep enough, know enough we will beat the indeterminate haze of the future.  We are wrong.

We have essentially no control of any of the variables outside of our physical bodies.  And if we are being honest we have very little control over what happens on the inside of our bodies. No one can predict cancer right? Or a stroke.  Yeah- there are contributing factors with graphs and charts but they only narrow the field.  They aren't infallible and typically aren't accurate.

The unknown is both a scary and a hopeful thing.  The change can be the best thing that ever happened to you, it can also potentially be the worst. All we really know is that adaptation is inevitable.

Today that makes me feel heavy.

-Dewb